Sophie Behrs

Its been awhile sense I have been to my journal. I write in a paper notebook from time to time yet I love this blog. My desire is for women in their first years of being along for the first time to stumble onto this and get blessed by it.

Today I was reading about a lady "Sophie Behrs" In 1862 she married what they termed the catch of the season "Count Leo Tolstoy" and they had 13 children! She was a wife and mom and they both had a passion for writing. She decided that their marriage was going to be a creative partnership of equals! She was way past her time in knowing what would work. She was her husbands assistant, editor, copywriter and tactful critic. Wow.....Again im reminded this was 1862.

Once the children arrived she could not keep up with it all and back in the 1800's she could not get "day care" and it was expected of her to take care of the children. Her husband right at this time had what he thought was a "good idea" He thought they could write in journals and keep them around for each other to read! Bad Idea and I know this because I read some of her journal this morning and it was a pathetic warship of her husband. NOT love.....not respect.

In my readings today were some of her journal entries. They were pathetic and sad and the only place she thought she could go. In victim mode. The journal praised her husband over and over and it was nauseating to read even for me who has been in such a situation with a past marriage! She wrote on page after page of how miserable she was and how lucky her husband was to have a writing profession and on and on. He took on another assistant at this time and it about destroyed her self esteem.

Ok.......that was 1800!!! But girlies how many of us are just like Sophie in 2010? Alot....and there is no excuse as we have books and ministers and great women leaders who are our sisters there to help. We have Oprah :) Yes, if you are married its a must to be a supportive devoted wife yet there is NO excuse to loose yourself completely in a man even if you call him husband! You will loose all respect for yourself and so will he. This is not being a submissive wife or any other kind of good wife. Its being freaky! How do you balance it? I was Sophie to a T! and it was 2005!

How do you do it? For one you loose yourself slowly. Every time you compromise! "its ok honey I will quit my dance class as you want to watch american idle with me each day" "Its ok, you took me out to eat and i will eat it all so you wont get mad" "Its ok...I wont read my books anymore as you hate me to read" "its ok I wont go to lunch with my best friend as its not fair that you dont have a friend to do things with" "Honey, ok i understand that all men watch porn, i will try to understand" .....:) Get my point? Yes, some of the above can be worked out and some of them can not. Its like the frog in a pot of cold water that slowly starts to boil. Before he knows it he is boiled and gone! Without feeling a thing.

I do not pretend to know the answer of how to be a good wife or partner without completely loosing yourself as I am single now. I do know that I love being Cheryl and I wont loose her again and will only be with a man who loves her just as she is. I know there is balance and you do change a bit with a relationship. You take on new ideas that you learn from your partner and he takes things from you. The key here must be balance! Im going to master this one! I promise you all!