HONESTY WITH MYSELF

Honesty with my self and others starts with knowing Cheryl.

These are my real thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes:

I dislike thrift stores. Everyone tells me to go and find clothes and I hate them and always have hated them. Its not that i want to spend money. I am just not a person that would love to go buy six pairs of thirft clothes vs one pair of pants that I love and that I picked out and that no one has worn. I worked hard the last few weeks and I am going to buy a new pair of jeans that fit me and that I choose.

My mom use to love the thrift stores and that is ok but that is my mom and that is Betty and that is alot of people but its not Cheryl. I need to stop trying to be what others want me to be. I need to be me! and im ok and not being a bad person to not like thrift stores. I love the books in thrift stores and that is it.

Now to think of what else I compromise on and lie to everyone and even myself about? For today or for this moment this is enough for me. Now....Do I tell people this? Will I seem bosy? or will I hurt thier feelings? No, honesty is ok as we are all different and if they want to be around me then i cant walk on egg shells.....Thats all ...shower time.

28 January

I Cheryl am happy and I am eating well and exercising both my mind and body. This will manafest into both a healthy mind, body and spirit. I am confadant that I will reach my goals with positive thinking and hard work and all with the help of my higher power and God.

Todays goals:
Stay on target with my eating
Watch and use each word that comes out of my mouth

BecomingAware

A long journey starts with the first few steps.

I went to church yesterday and it was very nice to set and warship God and give him thanks for not giving up on Cheryl. I had a nice restful afternoon and then went to alanon.

Alanon gives me encouragement to know that I can accomplish what I need to do in life and I CAN have my life just the way I want it if I work the program and use the tools given me the last few years.

God has me in a place where I have alot of work to do and and it is not always going to be easy. A big thing that came out of alanon last night was that I have to teach people in life how to treat me. I can not just compromise anymore and keep the peace at all costs. Doing that leads me to disparate acts to hide my feelings of resentment and fear and I WILL NOT let that happen ever again. I also have to treat people as I would like to be treated.

Have a great day.

I feel that today I am to write in my blog but have no idea what to write. I am sitting here at seven A.M. totally confused but in total peace. I have no idea why I'm here in Colorado or what brought me here. I just know who brought me here and for that I have peace. I am a bit afraid and a bit confused and a bit excited and a bit happy and a very little bit sad and a bit anxious and a bit peaceful.

I am thinking that for the last four years i have not been nuts and making up things that have happened to me odd and then again I question this. I know that there are others out there in Colorado and California and the whole USA rooting for me and I feel so blessed by that and in awe and humbled. Who are they? Why? Why do they care about me who has been a two year mess?

Who are all of you? And why is there so many of you? Who is a part of you? Darlene? Betty? Carolyn? Danette and the girls? I could go on. Kim? Hope so as i miss you. Val? Margarete? and my sweet Heather? and all the other beautiful girls that touched my life. My work mates? Jennifer? George? Jeannie and Brock and little gizmo? :) and that terror in Lizas place :) ....lol Gosh you scared me....

I don't make sense. I don't understand.

I can only listen to Carolyn now. "All will be revealed" "You dont need to know the answers right now" "when the time is right".....

I am on a path and journey today. I am not alone but have total control over my path. I can choose to go back to Calif and live or I can choose to stay and find Cheryl and find what God wants for me. I choose to find Cheryl today. I choose to find that mom and wife and girlfriend and daughter and sister and auntie.