In a month my journey of finding Cheryl will have been a year long and I had this dream last night that I can barely remember. My mentor was in it and telling me something and im like "Its hard to do" as in real life and he was like "Don't give me that" as in real life and then I woke up.
It was early in the a.m. and I got to thinking about my life and how I was in deep waters for over a year and i kept going under and sinking in the dark deep waters of life. Not facing change. My mentor kept putting good people in my life and they would jump in the dark cold churning water and throw me a different things to save my life and I would grab hold and then just give up and let go.They tried to grab me but I struggled and they would start to go under and they had to give up as well. Then.....
My mentor must have said "Ok, this is it im going in" and he did.....He jumped in and grabbed me and drug me to the shore all while im "let go of me" LOL....."I want to make the water work for me" and worse "I can learn to swim in these deadly waters" :) and he just said on shore "Dry off, and follow me up the mountain" I did.....moaning and complaining and crying....He said "keep going" I did.....I would from time to time set down on a rock and cross my arms and say "Im not moving" He would look back and say "keep going" i got up and run after him up the mountain.
Im over half way up and can see the top! Its beautiful.......Last night I had a "This is hard Michael" conversation!! He as usual said "Dont give me that, keep moving"......
I am blessed. I am still climbing up......not as afraid and trust him that my life will be good and that all these wonderful people who jumped in to help are there and rooting me on! Love you all......
Tuesday, November 30
Monday, November 29
Strong with the force you are. Soon a Jedi will you be "UKAshley)
Yesterday I woke up and my life changed. I am not kidding! I woke up different and it was great.
What I did was wake up after a long night of tossing and turning about what my sister said. See Nov 28, 2010 post. What she said was that women cry and get moody etc. Big deal! Its what we do with it. For me yesterday was a day of waking up and being me and I can tell you there were no tears.
I got ready to go to church yet had not a clue which church i was going to. Catholic? Protestant?....Everyone will ask me where I am now going to church? They always do! My good friend from ten years Ashley (He is a man from the UK) knows me very well and knows I trip on this sort of thing (still working on not giving a darn what people think) and he said that when anyone asks me about church I am to say "I have made a decision and decided to become a Jedi Knight" :) Brilliant. He always puts things in the correct perspective!
I got in the car and decided after months to just go to Saint Paul Catholic church and went to the 10:30 and it was the first day of Lent and I was blessed. Does that mean I'm Catholic? Ditched the whole Protestant thing? Noooo. Does it mean I am spiritually confused. NO WAY...I am more grounded then ever and have a faith like I have never had in my whole life.
What it means is that I made a decision and felt great about it. What it means is yea...maybe i am meant for Jedi Knighthood! or something else that is different or just to be me. Maybe I am not going to classify myself right now in any one religion or church and that is ok. I come from a wide variety of different religions and backgrounds and maybe just maybe God will use me and find a place for me. For now...Let the Force be with me :) silly I know!
After Church I came home and arranged my furnature all different and cleaned my little space I call home and then decided to go to a step meeting......or not. I got in the car and headed that way and thought. "NO.....you dont want to set in a meeting with a circle of chairs all facing each other and on and on" No.....that was not what i was to do so I went to whole foods and got my coconut sugar (low glacemic goodness) and wondered around the store looking at the cosmetics and candles and sampled 2 different cheeses. One was simply orgasmic. :).......did not buy it because it was like 79 dollars a pound or something silly.
Then I went home...and there you go. Today I smile because I had a great day.....A day of Cheryl being just Cheryl and it felt good
What I did was wake up after a long night of tossing and turning about what my sister said. See Nov 28, 2010 post. What she said was that women cry and get moody etc. Big deal! Its what we do with it. For me yesterday was a day of waking up and being me and I can tell you there were no tears.
I got ready to go to church yet had not a clue which church i was going to. Catholic? Protestant?
I got in the car and decided after months to just go to Saint Paul Catholic church and went to the 10:30 and it was the first day of Lent and I was blessed. Does that mean I'm Catholic? Ditched the whole Protestant thing? Noooo. Does it mean I am spiritually confused. NO WAY...I am more grounded then ever and have a faith like I have never had in my whole life.
What it means is that I made a decision and felt great about it. What it means is yea...maybe i am meant for Jedi Knighthood! or something else that is different or just to be me. Maybe I am not going to classify myself right now in any one religion or church and that is ok. I come from a wide variety of different religions and backgrounds and maybe just maybe God will use me and find a place for me. For now...Let the Force be with me :) silly I know!
After Church I came home and arranged my furnature all different and cleaned my little space I call home and then decided to go to a step meeting......or not. I got in the car and headed that way and thought. "NO.....you dont want to set in a meeting with a circle of chairs all facing each other and on and on" No.....that was not what i was to do so I went to whole foods and got my coconut sugar (low glacemic goodness) and wondered around the store looking at the cosmetics and candles and sampled 2 different cheeses. One was simply orgasmic. :).......did not buy it because it was like 79 dollars a pound or something silly.
Then I went home...and there you go. Today I smile because I had a great day.....A day of Cheryl being just Cheryl and it felt good
Saturday, November 27
The Archaeological Dig
I finished my book "Simple Abundance" By Sarah Ban Breathnach. I was so blessed by this journey. I started the book last year in February and I just finished it. The book taught me so much about becoming my authentic self. What does Cheryl like to do, wear, warship, say, and love....I have had a time by myself sense last November to discover this with few distractions aside from work. Now when I go to buy clothes I say "Who is Cheryl, the authentic Cheryl"? I do not settle for less. I search goodwill to find it if i have to but i find it now! I buy the kind of make up that i LOVE not settle for less. I save for it. I eat only great food, whole organic real food. I hang out with friends who are happy and positive. And I just bought my perfume from years ago that makes me smell just like ME. This book along with my mentor have transformed me into Cheryl.....Just the Cheryl that was hidden a few years.
Yes, I make it sound so fun and easy and if I am to help others I can tell you its NOT and was NOT always easy and I did some of it laughing and happy and had so much fun and some of the transforming I did crying and angry and kicking and screaming :) and saying "I'm, NOT doing that" Yet, I did it. and there is more to do! Just when I think I have arrived my mentor says "Why don't you try this" and I'm like "What"???? I don't want more uncomfy changes...and ...I do it. Just get off my butt and do it and then its good.
I have done things that I have always wanted to do like visit a potter and learn how pottery is made, I went on a hay ride and I went to a western town and saw a cowboy shoot out! I went to a play and went bowling! I went up into the mountains on a train to see the fall leaves turning brilliant reds and yellows and oranges. I'm spoiled.......beyond belief. There is alot I want to do in in my future! I want to travel and to take belly dance and to take a pottery class or a class for sewing or knitting and most of all to Love Again :) I'm excited....
Most of all: I am grateful.
I am now starting Sarah's other book called "Something More, Excavating Your Authentic Self" Its called excavating in the title as the book is about a past archaeological dig. A dig of your past yet its not a negative freaky dig that leaves you discouraged. If you have done the first book then you are now ready for this one. Just a gentle look at your past and why you react like you do today. I suggest doing the Simple Abundance book first and then the Something More book as it goes together like that.
From the book:
A Warriors heart? I wish I'd known that Id been born to take on the world; I would have have NOT run from for so long but run to it with open arms.
Life's highway has as many on ramps as it does off ramps! (I love this one)
Joy is the absence of fear, joy is your souls knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship or buy the house its because you weren't meant to and Connie's (see cast members on front page) husband told me recently "God closes one door Chery and will open another one" How cool is that.
About reading books: "As a passionant women, I like my men and books to knock my sox off, Its got to be love at first sight" For me its about everything ....clothing, food, friends, warship ....and books and men!
There are two lives we live! The life we learn with and the life we live after that! Its up to us how long we stay in the first learning phase.
We must be willing to rid of the life we planned to live the life that was meant for us.
And im only on like chapter 6......
Enjoy your own personal dig today and discover something fantastic about yourself!
Friday, November 26
GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO IT :)
I was reading in "Something More" today and it was all about decisions and I began to think about how our decisions impact our lives each day. There are good and right decisions and wrong decisions and MOST decisions we make falls into one category or the other. Yes, some decisions are easy to recognize! Should I eat ice-cream or eat a healthy dinner? Easy....Some are not so easy like ending a marriage or staying in a place that God has me and not knowing the total outcome.
The worst thing one can do is to not make a choice either way. I was in that place for two years. I needed to make a choice and waited for others to do it for me and I ended up in all sorts of odd situations and yet all were learning curves and full of people that helped me and protected me yet it was a painful learning experience. If I would have made a choice I would have saved myself a few years of pain and yet it was my choice to wait. It is what it is. For goodness sakes CHOOSE!!
The third kind of choice besides right ones and wrong ones is BAD CHOICES. We all know those. They are choices we know are bad when going into them. We never consult with our Higher Power / God. We never ask our best friends or moms before we make these choices. We simply do not want to stop the bad we are about to do and so we do it and then after when we are in a mess we are "God, Why"??? "Mom, why am i miserable" :) and they simply love us........Examples could be showing up late for work each day, flirting when you are married, overdrawing your bank account, drinking when alone and sad, eating fast food every day, not praying, being negative and talking negative to others, lying, cheating, stealing and a big one gossip! and on and on.
Today I'm about choices. First of all I do not make bad choices very often. The other evening I was in a pout and I decided to lay in bed at 8 and cry and act the victim and I did not call up anyone because I knew i would get a "Get your butt out and do something" so .....I choose to be unhappy and silly. BAD choice. Then I got up and made a good choice to go work out and pray and there you go. When I get like this I call up my mentor and expect him to be "oh you poor thing" and he is all about "It's Choices Cheryl" and yes.....It is!
I guess with all this I want to speak to other women who are going through life changes that are whipping your butt!...... that life is right now TODAY about you making that choice. Should you get another job? Should you stop drinking or doing drugs? Should you file divorce? Should you stop being negative? Should you find your spiritual path? YES....Do it!! As my mentor says "Get off your butt and do it" and he is MOST CORRECT!!
As long as you are not making a bad choice then for goodness sakes make a choice! If its a wrong choice then its ok! Its life. Life is about making wrong choices as much as we hate that fact. We all do that and then you will walk down another path and learn from it. Waiting too long or worse NOT making that choice is self destructive and can turn into a BAD CHOICE in a moment.
Trust that your higher power / God will be there in the universe and will guide you and trust that all things will work together for the good!
And for goodness sakes "GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO IT" :)
The worst thing one can do is to not make a choice either way. I was in that place for two years. I needed to make a choice and waited for others to do it for me and I ended up in all sorts of odd situations and yet all were learning curves and full of people that helped me and protected me yet it was a painful learning experience. If I would have made a choice I would have saved myself a few years of pain and yet it was my choice to wait. It is what it is. For goodness sakes CHOOSE!!
The third kind of choice besides right ones and wrong ones is BAD CHOICES. We all know those. They are choices we know are bad when going into them. We never consult with our Higher Power / God. We never ask our best friends or moms before we make these choices. We simply do not want to stop the bad we are about to do and so we do it and then after when we are in a mess we are "God, Why"??? "Mom, why am i miserable" :) and they simply love us........Examples could be showing up late for work each day, flirting when you are married, overdrawing your bank account, drinking when alone and sad, eating fast food every day, not praying, being negative and talking negative to others, lying, cheating, stealing and a big one gossip! and on and on.
Today I'm about choices. First of all I do not make bad choices very often. The other evening I was in a pout and I decided to lay in bed at 8 and cry and act the victim and I did not call up anyone because I knew i would get a "Get your butt out and do something" so .....I choose to be unhappy and silly. BAD choice. Then I got up and made a good choice to go work out and pray and there you go. When I get like this I call up my mentor and expect him to be "oh you poor thing" and he is all about "It's Choices Cheryl" and yes.....It is!
I guess with all this I want to speak to other women who are going through life changes that are whipping your butt!...... that life is right now TODAY about you making that choice. Should you get another job? Should you stop drinking or doing drugs? Should you file divorce? Should you stop being negative? Should you find your spiritual path? YES....Do it!! As my mentor says "Get off your butt and do it" and he is MOST CORRECT!!
As long as you are not making a bad choice then for goodness sakes make a choice! If its a wrong choice then its ok! Its life. Life is about making wrong choices as much as we hate that fact. We all do that and then you will walk down another path and learn from it. Waiting too long or worse NOT making that choice is self destructive and can turn into a BAD CHOICE in a moment.
Trust that your higher power / God will be there in the universe and will guide you and trust that all things will work together for the good!
And for goodness sakes "GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO IT" :)
Wednesday, November 24
The Whale
Alannah sent me this story yesterday and made me cry! A good cry. While I am not a whale i can relate to this story on so many different levels.
I too was caught up in a huge web and trapped and I too had hundreds of people all over the USA rooting for me. OR so it seem like that many. I had so many from here in the springs help me.
I too had someone cut the web. My web was a web of lies and deceit and such a great denial that needed someone to gently just show me the way.
Thanks Alannah one of my special Angels. I think I have shared it here before that I call these people my angels and they are!
Love you all very much!! SMOOOOCH!
Enjoy the Whale story. Not sure if the pic is real yet the story is sweet. And YES I DANCE AROUND And Sing and laugh and smile. Life is GOOD.
Now I challange myself and you to go out and be a diver in this world and untangle those that are bound my fear and hopelessness and all the lies one believes.
Always Encourage. Practice never saying a negative statement to anyone because you could change them forever. That is deep. Think about it!
PEACE....
..The Whale... If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to
struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her
mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her.
They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The man who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.
May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude. I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit.
I too was caught up in a huge web and trapped and I too had hundreds of people all over the USA rooting for me. OR so it seem like that many. I had so many from here in the springs help me.
I too had someone cut the web. My web was a web of lies and deceit and such a great denial that needed someone to gently just show me the way.
Thanks Alannah one of my special Angels. I think I have shared it here before that I call these people my angels and they are!
Love you all very much!! SMOOOOCH!
Enjoy the Whale story. Not sure if the pic is real yet the story is sweet. And YES I DANCE AROUND And Sing and laugh and smile. Life is GOOD.
Now I challange myself and you to go out and be a diver in this world and untangle those that are bound my fear and hopelessness and all the lies one believes.
Always Encourage. Practice never saying a negative statement to anyone because you could change them forever. That is deep. Think about it!
PEACE....
..The Whale... If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to
struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her
mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her.
They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The man who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.
May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude. I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit.
Saturday, November 20
Getting To Know You Thing
My friend Sharon sent this to me and I thought I would share a bit about me :)
1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:30
2. How do you like your steak? Medium Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Eat, Pray & Love
4. What is your favorite TV show? I do not watch TV. When I do I like news shows like 2020
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Scotland in the Highlands In a Castle.....
6. What did you have for breakfast? I will have oatmeal and a egg or almond butter on a Tablespoon
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Number 1 is FRENCH, second is real Italian ..Indian, Greek, Afghan, Mexican, Spanish English Pub Grub, Southern, San Francisco Seafood. ...Foodies cant pick one.
8. What foods do you dislike? sushi...hate it but want to love it sooo much and any boxed fake food, like cake mix!
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Any romantic place that uses fresh ingredients with a French flair.
10. Favorite dressing? Organic Annies Goddess...LOVE IT
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Ford explorer called "Blue Boy" Been with me through it all!
12. What are your favorite clothes? Anything different that reeks of Cheryl. I do not like shopping in the usual places.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? New York......and somewhere tropical.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Its sooo half full and in fact its over flowing!
15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere with my mountain man when he comes and collects me, hope he hurries whoever he may be ;)
16. Favorite time of day? Early morning looking out at the sunrise. Or better yet on a walk just basking in the beauty. The sunrise and sets are amazing in the rocky mountains.
17. Where were you born? San Diego Calif
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ice skating
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Silly question
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See above
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? see above
22. Bird watcher? No, yet i love birds and their brilliant colors
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? MORNING....love it.
24. Animals? Monkeys.....& Penguins....
25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share? Going to California for Christmas!!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? Mommy and Wife...Homemaker.
27. What is your best childhood memory? Camping
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both
29. Are you married? No
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes
31. Been in a car accident? Yes-Was hit from behind
32. Any pet peeves? People being negative
33. Favorite pizza toppings? Pepperoni and Salami....All American.
34. Favorite Flower? Tulips
35. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate, has to only have cream milk sugar and chocolate in it....
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? In and Out
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Passed it first time
38. From whom did you get your last email? eA nice lady named Cynthi
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I would not do that!
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Yea.....decided to wait a bit on the whole school. Felt good....
41. Like your job? Yes, They are good to me and im learning alot.
42. Broccoli? Like it and love it with Irish cheddar cheese sauce.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Anywhere...I love to go and love to fly. Even if its just up in our Rocky Mountains.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Becky....had a great time, food was pretty good but not brilliant.
45. What are you listening to right now? Hum of my computer....
46. What is your favorite color? Shades Of Red...pale pink to magenta.
47. How many tattoos do you have? none
48. Coffee drinker? Love coffee......
49. How many children do you have? Three wonderful kids.....I am blessed.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:30
2. How do you like your steak? Medium Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Eat, Pray & Love
4. What is your favorite TV show? I do not watch TV. When I do I like news shows like 2020
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Scotland in the Highlands In a Castle.....
6. What did you have for breakfast? I will have oatmeal and a egg or almond butter on a Tablespoon
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Number 1 is FRENCH, second is real Italian ..Indian, Greek, Afghan, Mexican, Spanish English Pub Grub, Southern, San Francisco Seafood. ...Foodies cant pick one.
8. What foods do you dislike? sushi...hate it but want to love it sooo much and any boxed fake food, like cake mix!
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Any romantic place that uses fresh ingredients with a French flair.
10. Favorite dressing? Organic Annies Goddess...LOVE IT
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Ford explorer called "Blue Boy" Been with me through it all!
12. What are your favorite clothes? Anything different that reeks of Cheryl. I do not like shopping in the usual places.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? New York......and somewhere tropical.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Its sooo half full and in fact its over flowing!
15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere with my mountain man when he comes and collects me, hope he hurries whoever he may be ;)
16. Favorite time of day? Early morning looking out at the sunrise. Or better yet on a walk just basking in the beauty. The sunrise and sets are amazing in the rocky mountains.
17. Where were you born? San Diego Calif
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ice skating
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Silly question
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See above
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? see above
22. Bird watcher? No, yet i love birds and their brilliant colors
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? MORNING....love it.
24. Animals? Monkeys.....& Penguins....
25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share? Going to California for Christmas!!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? Mommy and Wife...Homemaker.
27. What is your best childhood memory? Camping
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both
29. Are you married? No
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes
31. Been in a car accident? Yes-Was hit from behind
32. Any pet peeves? People being negative
33. Favorite pizza toppings? Pepperoni and Salami....All American.
34. Favorite Flower? Tulips
35. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate, has to only have cream milk sugar and chocolate in it....
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? In and Out
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Passed it first time
38. From whom did you get your last email? eA nice lady named Cynthi
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I would not do that!
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Yea.....decided to wait a bit on the whole school. Felt good....
41. Like your job? Yes, They are good to me and im learning alot.
42. Broccoli? Like it and love it with Irish cheddar cheese sauce.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Anywhere...I love to go and love to fly. Even if its just up in our Rocky Mountains.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Becky....had a great time, food was pretty good but not brilliant.
45. What are you listening to right now? Hum of my computer....
46. What is your favorite color? Shades Of Red...pale pink to magenta.
47. How many tattoos do you have? none
48. Coffee drinker? Love coffee......
49. How many children do you have? Three wonderful kids.....I am blessed.
Thursday, November 18
The Afghan
The Afghan
My roommate Becky is in a online crocheting club. Once she joined this project a lady from another state mailed her a piece of a pattern to crochet and all the yarn etc. She did not know what the finished project will look like? Will it be a blanket? or will it be a Shaw? etc? She knew the colors were beige and purple and green! ...We both kind of went ...ewww as the colors were strange at first. She has been crocheting her little hands off with these squares. As she worked and worked the colors became beautiful and seemed to match together.
Well.....
Yesterday she got a final picture of what this "Afghan" will look like...wow....who knew? Its simply magnificent! Beautiful. I was shocked and excited by the final outcome. All the little squares were different and all came together!
Where am I going with this?
My life and many women in my life have a pattern and yet to have all the instructions and have not a clue what the final outcome will look like. I myself have maybe half of the outcome? I know what the final product may look like but not entirely! I know it will be beautiful and brilliant! I just keep chugging away at it like Becky did!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)