Green Eyed Christmas Monster Cheryl

OK I'm going to get real here, not that I do not get real when I write its just that I choose to write only when im positive and inspired which is most days! I also can not help all women if I am not honest about my day where I am just in a wonky mood.

The last few days I have been in a place of great fantasy. I am in "Green Eyed Monster Mode" :) I made that up! And it fits me pretty well at the moment.

I am in the mood to make a face / stick out my tongue or just just roll my eyes at all the women in my life or even those I dont know who are home / key word is "home" decoration their homes / shopping for Christmas/ watching their husbands smile as he is hanging up the Christmas lights out in the snow! Their grown daughters are calling them off the hook "Mom, Lets go to the mall today to finish up shopping and then we can go see a Christmas play" ......."No, girls lets back cookies and your dad will want to help and I will call your brother to bring eggnog" :) Silly....

Get my point? .............and so silly and I can swear to you that I did not make up the above fantasies in my head. How silly. I guess this season with me being back to me is the hardest one of all. Yes, when i was in poor Cheryl was abandoned mode and poor Cheryl is just not sure where her life was going mode. All was just ok. I was just in limbo and just surviving and to not have anything was ok. Now, I am back to Cheryl who had a home and family and a couch and chairs and even a oven mode and its not acceptable for me to be where I am at! Yet, I have to remember that like a person that has survived a bad illness or accident you have to get up and start moving and before you know it you will be back to full speed. it just takes time.......

Some of my fantasies can be real but most likely Dad is yelling from the roof "*&^%$#*" "I JUST SMASHED MY THUMB, I TOLD YOU XMAS LIGHTS ARE A BAD IDEA" "Mom.....I hate shopping are u nuts the mall is packed" "Mom, i hate eggnog and im off to a Christmas party call you tomorrow" :) Serious....Both are exaggerations but real life is neither....or a bit of both. We as women have got to stop fantasizing about what we want our life to look like when God has us right where we are meant to be at this very moment. When I talk to some of my married friends they say to me "Enjoy this time for just you" and I have got to not get in Green Eyed Monster mode.

Carolyn said yesterday that my future is like a cake :) Carolyn and Michael use analogies on me as I respond to them and love them. They crack me up with what they think of.....Im like a House and a car and now my whole life is a cake! She said that its in the oven baking and if i take it out now it will not be done and will be raw and awful and will fall in the middle! And worse and what I have been trying to do is to TURN UP THE HEAT to make that cake cook FASTER! and what will happen. It will burn. Now every time I turn it up to 500 degrees Carolyn and Michael turn it back down to 350. Thank Goodness for them in my life. The other thing is that I do not want a fake desperate cake from the store. It would be a easy cake to go get. Its artificial and fake and not the real deal and not what I have been waiting for! So........What am I do Do?????

I am to Wait on God! wow....what a concept. I have never waited for "cake" before. :) I am excited to see what my life is going to be like?

For now I just keep being Cheryl and as Michael says "HAVE FUN"....and he always types it in caps. He does not say much on instant message." Have fun, be strong and brave...keep going...your doing excellent" Carolyn says "You are right where you are meant to be and your future will be great" I LOVE YOU TWO!

And Fun is what I am planning to do for the whole of 2011......

And If God Willing....

Eat Cake....yum!