Faith

Today I wake up alone in a very cold Colorado and still not knowing everything about my life here in Colorado. Yet, I am at more peace then I have ever been in a long time. I know that there are a huge network of people in the back ground helping me. I do not know who they are but know what they stand for and for that I love all of them, even the ones that are hard on me and there have been many. I thank them. I am on a journey that is both daunting and exciting and I know I have the support of my family.

I know that I will be ok. I have to keep positive and keep watchful. Keep my brain on at all times and think before I speak or just stay silent. That is all I need to do today. Not easy all the time for cheryl :) More to come. Does anyone read this?

Not A Clue

This last fall I was watching the movie "Silence of the Lambs" with a few people. Their is this one scene where a FBI detective, played by Jodie Foster is in a dark scary house looking for a lady who is held hostage. The lady is in a deep dark hole dug in the ground in the house and the phychopath killer is hiding out ready to pounce. Scary ....

The girl in the hole is scared and its dark and she has been in this hole for a long time and she sees no hope. She has no answers as to why she is there and she is freaking out. The FBI agent stumbles upon the hole and looks down to see a dirty and very frightened girl and says "Miss, I am a FBI agent and I will get you out of there but you have to wait" she says "Bitch, don't leave me here".

The lady I was watching this movie with turned to me and said "Wow, she called her and bitch and the FBI agent is going to help/save her".

I said or I am not sure I said it or thought it but "The girl simply does not know who the FBI agent is or that she is there to help her and not kill her or be a part of the hurt" ....

Wow, life changing for me. That night I got to thinking that many came in my life and I shouted and cried and all along people were there to help.

Am I ashamed? or guilty? NO.....That is where I was in my process at the time and like the young girl in the dark hole I simply was very afraid and just where i needed to be at the time so that on a day like today I could reflect on that scene and learn from it.

Journey

I am on a journey and while I know some of what I am to do I am in the dark on most of what is going on. That is where my faith in God comes in. I just take each step as they are given me and know that everyone that comes in my

HONESTY WITH MYSELF

Honesty with my self and others starts with knowing Cheryl.

These are my real thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes:

I dislike thrift stores. Everyone tells me to go and find clothes and I hate them and always have hated them. Its not that i want to spend money. I am just not a person that would love to go buy six pairs of thirft clothes vs one pair of pants that I love and that I picked out and that no one has worn. I worked hard the last few weeks and I am going to buy a new pair of jeans that fit me and that I choose.

My mom use to love the thrift stores and that is ok but that is my mom and that is Betty and that is alot of people but its not Cheryl. I need to stop trying to be what others want me to be. I need to be me! and im ok and not being a bad person to not like thrift stores. I love the books in thrift stores and that is it.

Now to think of what else I compromise on and lie to everyone and even myself about? For today or for this moment this is enough for me. Now....Do I tell people this? Will I seem bosy? or will I hurt thier feelings? No, honesty is ok as we are all different and if they want to be around me then i cant walk on egg shells.....Thats all ...shower time.

28 January

I Cheryl am happy and I am eating well and exercising both my mind and body. This will manafest into both a healthy mind, body and spirit. I am confadant that I will reach my goals with positive thinking and hard work and all with the help of my higher power and God.

Todays goals:
Stay on target with my eating
Watch and use each word that comes out of my mouth

BecomingAware

A long journey starts with the first few steps.

I went to church yesterday and it was very nice to set and warship God and give him thanks for not giving up on Cheryl. I had a nice restful afternoon and then went to alanon.

Alanon gives me encouragement to know that I can accomplish what I need to do in life and I CAN have my life just the way I want it if I work the program and use the tools given me the last few years.

God has me in a place where I have alot of work to do and and it is not always going to be easy. A big thing that came out of alanon last night was that I have to teach people in life how to treat me. I can not just compromise anymore and keep the peace at all costs. Doing that leads me to disparate acts to hide my feelings of resentment and fear and I WILL NOT let that happen ever again. I also have to treat people as I would like to be treated.

Have a great day.

I feel that today I am to write in my blog but have no idea what to write. I am sitting here at seven A.M. totally confused but in total peace. I have no idea why I'm here in Colorado or what brought me here. I just know who brought me here and for that I have peace. I am a bit afraid and a bit confused and a bit excited and a bit happy and a very little bit sad and a bit anxious and a bit peaceful.

I am thinking that for the last four years i have not been nuts and making up things that have happened to me odd and then again I question this. I know that there are others out there in Colorado and California and the whole USA rooting for me and I feel so blessed by that and in awe and humbled. Who are they? Why? Why do they care about me who has been a two year mess?

Who are all of you? And why is there so many of you? Who is a part of you? Darlene? Betty? Carolyn? Danette and the girls? I could go on. Kim? Hope so as i miss you. Val? Margarete? and my sweet Heather? and all the other beautiful girls that touched my life. My work mates? Jennifer? George? Jeannie and Brock and little gizmo? :) and that terror in Lizas place :) ....lol Gosh you scared me....

I don't make sense. I don't understand.

I can only listen to Carolyn now. "All will be revealed" "You dont need to know the answers right now" "when the time is right".....

I am on a path and journey today. I am not alone but have total control over my path. I can choose to go back to Calif and live or I can choose to stay and find Cheryl and find what God wants for me. I choose to find Cheryl today. I choose to find that mom and wife and girlfriend and daughter and sister and auntie.

Romanian Beef

When we lived in the San Francisco Bay area in Alameda CA we had these really cool neighbors and the wife was from Romania. They had us to dinner one evening and she and her brother made a old family favorite, Romanian Chicken. I never did get the recipe from her but did watch her and her brother cook this wonderful dish.

She cut up the vegies very small and the spices she used were onion, rosemary and dill weed. I had beef to use today and so I decided to make up a beef version. It came out great. I love it when I can meet up with good cooks and learn from them but when I can meet up with a great cook from a different country I am blessed.

I call it Romanian Beef to honor this wonderful lady who passed through my life.

Romanian Beef

2 lbs lean beef cut in small cubes the size of dice.

1 finely chopped onion

2 large carrots diced very small (size of peas)

1/2 bell pepper diced very small (size of peas)

10 mushrooms chopped (size of peas)

1 can of stewed tomatoes (chop up the tomatoes)

2 cups beef broth

2 T brown sugar

1 T Worcestershire sauce

pepper

bit of salt

2 T dill weed

1 t. crushed rosemary

Brown the vegies in olive oil and then add the mushrooms and brown. In a separate pan brown the beef in olive oil and add to the vegies. Add the rest of the ingredients and cook 2 hours or until the meat is tender.

Serve on top of Mash Potato or as my Romanian friend did, in a big Bowl on its own with french bread to dip. Yum.

Cheryl's Back

I started a food blog years ago and because of a bad life turn I stopped being Cheryl. I stopped cooking and writing. Now I am going to start writing in my blog again about what I love. Good food.

I love it when I have my kids or other family members over or friends and cook for them. My grandmother was just like that, She showed us love by cooking for us.. When we use to go visit her she would wake up at 5 A.M. and start cooking while we were asleep. She would start her homemade sausage to cook that had been cured and hung out for days. She would make everyone just what they loved.

My brother and sister had her slow cooked oatmeal and my parents had her homemade sausage, eggs and her homemade country biscuits and gravy! I would have what I now think of as the best thing. Her homemade bread made into French toast with her homemade strawberry jam with berries from her garden!!!

My grandparents always had a garden where all the veggies were fresh and wonderful. It was a mini farm! I use to just watch her cook for hours and I would pull up a chair so that I could see the stove and I knew that someday I would be cooking and feeding whoever would eat and I have surrounded myself with food fans! My husband and son and daughters are my number 1 foodies. J As well as my brother, sister and her husband and my friends!

My mother in law was yet another great cook in my life that inspired me. She had magic in everything she cooked. You could not copy her no matter how you tried. She cooked the best Indian and Burmese food.

Have a nice day and whatever you do eat well!!