Divorce

The last few weeks I have avoided writing on my blog because my divorce court date is this week and I really do not feel creative. I am not in a place where i am avoiding feelings and letting them just flow and some days im all excited about my future and some days or moments I am in a state of indifference. I call it indifference because its not real sadness as in grief as I did the last three years of this divorce yet it is something serious! I am in a state of reflection on my marriage good and bad. The past three years I choose to only remember the good times and the last eight months I choose to only think of the bad times and now the last few weeks I have been in peace that it was what it was and it was a learning time for me and I growing time.

My time with this soon to be ex was a time of growth for me a time when I fell and fell hard. When I was 20 my therapist told me "Baby, when you are older you are going to crash from all this perfectness and God help those around you" She knew....and I did crash here in Colorado. Ex husband was the one to help me along with this fall. He made it possible for me to hit bottom on all levels. Emotionally, spiritually and with my health. I am grateful that I did hit a hard bottom and I came out of it after three years because now I am on my way up and im almost to the top!

I am so at peace with this ending of a chapter and I do not even look at it as a bad chapter but a growing time in my life and it happened and now what can I do with it? What will God do with it in my life? My good friends husband said to me "God closes this door and will open another" and I believe that is true. I have to trust and to wait and to stay happy and positive and as my mentor says "Dream Big"....And I do!

I feel that my usual posts here are fun and light and this one is serious yet its what I have been avoiding in my writing and I cant fake fun and happy so I was avoiding writing here. I am not sad yet I am not happy. I am in a state of healing and letting go of a marriage and I am so grateful that i am in a place where this is so natural and feels so right.

Feelings are not optional and even if you cover them up they will come out...someday when you least expect it.

No, I wont go on and tell you how wonderful my two mentors are :)....I love them both more then you can imagine! They say its all MY work. I say I could not have done it without them. Thank You...C and M.......C for being the soft heart that loved me no matter what and M for being the one very hard on me and loving me no matter what.....God Bless You Both!